8th June 2020

1.4 now and then

It is winter on the mountain. All around snow and ice covers the landscape like a bit of glad wrap around a week old burrito. Everywhere is white and crinkly. But it’s not all white. The landscape is speckled with brown tussocks and at the bottom of the hill are the bright colours of the base area: red archway, yellow walls and a singular blue roof. All throughout the air you hear the beautiful scraping of skis sliding on freshly groomed tracks. Their bases across the corduroy are like spoons across rough concrete. The gentle hum of the electric motor in the chairlift purrs as the skiers and snowboarders slide down the mountain like frozen peas down a steep hill. Occasionally they will crash and the first aid crew will come out to rescue them. Their sliding implements kick up particles that contribute to the cool smell of snow dust in the air. In winter the chairlift has fully enclosed heated cabins attached for about one third of its chairs. Back at the base area the aroma of hot chips can be smelled, covered with too much tomato sauce and salt they crunch in your mouth like femurs in a hydraulic press. It is cold in winter*, the chill of the frigid air bites against exposed skin. Many ski lessons are held in the winter, all the way from screaming infants who can barely walk to pros who can do back flips without breaking a sweat. most of the small kids have been left with the instructors so the parents can finally have a day off skiing. Late at night, after all the people have left the groomer will come out to re – smooth the snow so that it can be skied on again.

In summer, the glad wrap snow has been fully replaced by the chocolate coloured tussocks and sharp, craggy rock. Most colours in the landscape are quite dull in the summer.  The sound of the chairlift is still there but the ski noises are now the sound of bikes, like the sound of a large volume of pieces of play – doh being thrown against a wall, barreling down the hill with copious amounts of speed. You can’t get chips now, the “restaurant” that served then has been closed. You can still get burgers though their flavor is decent. Outside you can smell the perfume of dirt that has been whetted and then ridden through. Riding the chairlift you hear the ka – chunk of the chairs passing over the rollers. The chairlift no longer has hated cabins but now just has metal bench seats for you to sit on. The high pitched whistle of the wind can be heard on windy days. Also in the summer the mountain opens up the mountain carts and their respective tracks, these deadly tri – wheeled monstrosities zoom down the hill like out of control freight trains , ready to remove someones legs at a moment’s notice. It is slightly less cold in summer, but still quite chilly, most people are still wearing at least two layers of clothing. In summer there are no more lessons, most people teach their own kids how to ride. A lot of the employees from the mountain spend most of their summer going round and round in the mountain carts, there is much less for them to do in the summer. Occasionally some trails will be closed for maintenance and then they will go out and re – shape some parts of the track that have been worn away by the incessant use. All in all the mountain is pretty good in both summer and winter.

*Citation needed.

Join the conversation! 2 Comments

  1. Hi Liam,

    Well done on making a start with this piece! You have a good foundation to build on from here.

    A few things to think about during the early stages of this assessment:

    – Make sure you are covering enough detail. This piece asks you to write approximately 600 words. Look to build each layer of your scene with careful detail and lots of depth.

    – You are telling the details in places where you could show them. Remember, you want the reader to be able to imagine they are in the scene. Appeal to all sorts of senses so that they can do this.

    – Make sure that when you are using figurative devices, you think about creating a tone and developing a connection between what is actually there and what you want to compare it to. Each device (metaphor, simile, personification) needs to have a purpose and create a distinct image in the mind of the reader.

    Mrs. P

    Reply
  2. Hi Liam,

    It is good to see that you have made progress since I last checked this piece. Your time change is distinct and this piece is taking form.

    During your final four periods of writing, I encourage you to think about:

    – There is a lot of ‘tell’ happening. As we discussed in class, let the verb you have selected show the reader what sense you are appealing to, rather than naming it (even with synonyms). Ensure you are appealing to a range of senses and using language devices such as personification and metaphor. Think back to that task we did about the difference between figurative and literal language using your bedrooms as the scene. You need to start to use more of the figurative language we played with in this piece.

    – You need to think about paragraphs. At the moment, all of your ideas are sequenced in one big long stretch. You must identify the moments where a new paragraph is needed.

    – During the final hours, you will need to edit this very carefully. Look for errors in your grammar, punctuation and spelling. Reading your work out loud to yourself will help you to hear where you have made mistakes or your writing doesn’t sound quite right.

    Mrs. P

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Latest Posts By Liam

Category

Writing